Lee and Lhea
What do you want others to know about Lee?
My older brother, Lee Derryck, was a gifted football, basketball and track star who was brilliant at mathematics, creative writing, symbolic logic and hip hop. Lee chose to end his life two and half years after our mother died of breast cancer.
What do you value most about the relationship that the two of you shared?
My older brother Lee introduced me to hip hop and thus he introduced me to poetry. When I was 7 years old, my brother made me memorize the words to the popular song “Poison” by Bel Biv Devoe. I had no idea how influential hip hop would be on the rest of my life. I had no idea that after my brother passed away, I would dedicate my life to writing poetry.
After I discovered my brother’s dead body, the first non-school related poems that I ever wrote pertained to my brother Lee and our mother. After Lee died, he passed his gift of writing to me.
What advice would you give others who have lost a loved one?
I would encourage everyone to seek counseling. I was 10 when our mother died of cancer, my brother was 13. I received counsel from the school counselor, my brother did not.
Grief is too great a burden to handle on your own. And it is much too great for children.
Keep searching for a counselor until you find one that you feel comfortable crying in front of, embarrassing yourself in front of. Keep searching until you find one who you can tell every single thing to.
If you have had suicidal thoughts, you are not alone. Seek help. You might be surprised how many people have considered ending their own life. It might seem as if your dark night of despair will never end; but with help, this too shall pass. Your life is worth fighting for. If you have lost a family member or friend to suicide, it is not your fault. You may feel as if there is something more that you could have done. Do not blame yourself. Use this period of grief to tell your family members and friends that you love them, appreciate them, need them. You have no idea how much your sincerity means to the people who know you.
Phillip and Katrina
What do you want people to know about your brother?
So many things 🙂 But I guess most of all, I would want people to know what a strong human being he was. He was the most persistent person I’ve ever known. Phillip’s life was far from easy but he managed to handle all the adversity with such grace. He never let himself be defined by his challenges and he always got back up again no matter how hard. He never stopped trying and he overcame so many obstacles in life. But most remarkably, in spite of all the struggles he faced, he never let it change his kind heart, his optimistic disposition or his beautiful spirit.
What do you value most about the relationship the two of you shared?
Phillip was the biggest cheerleader I will ever have in life. He made me expect more from myself because he (always) believed in me. Even though he was younger, I looked up to him as we got older. I can’t put into words what a gift it was to have him in my life. I would not be who I am today if it weren’t for him.
What advice would you give to someone who has experienced the loss of a loved one?
I feel like grief and loss are such personal things, it would be hard to give good advice. But I guess I would say “be patient with yourself”. It will never not be incredibly heartbreaking and sad that they are no longer here with you but eventually with time you can (and hopefully will) find acceptance and peace.
Mateo and Elma
What do you want people to know about your son?
How he didn’t look at anyone from the outside. He received and accepted all equally as themselves.
What do you value most about the relationship that the two of you shared?
I valued most his love for me and being his mom.
What advice would you give to someone who has experienced the loss of a loved one?
My advice would be to keep your faith and not to place blame on yourself or God.
Tracie and Robyn
What do you want others to know about your sister?
Tracie was kind, caring, and incredibly selfless. She had the type of personality that could light up a room. She genuinely loved everyone deeply with all her heart.
What do you value most about the relationship that the two of you shared?
Tracie was not only my sister, but my best friend. She was always there for me, in every capacity. My mom always said the reason I was a late talker was because Tracie spoke for me. She wanted to take care of me from the very beginning.
What advice would you give someone who has experienced the loss of a loved one?
Know that it’s okay to grieve, but your loved one would want you to live your life. That the pain will never go away, but it will soften over time. Lastly, live each day to the fullest and do your best to honor your loved one.
